


Richard Splett and the Very Bad Boy

by d2fmeasurement



Category: Veep
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-10 19:54:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7004212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2fmeasurement/pseuds/d2fmeasurement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonah and Richard bond over a shared kink and eventually fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jonah had gone over to Richard’s house for a guys night of watching football and drinking brewskies.

 

He’d just finished using the bathroom and was heading back to the living room when he saw that Richard’s bedroom door was ajar. He decided to do a little snooping.

 

He looked around, amazed at just how much the room looked like it belonged to a nerdy teenage girl. Richard even had a hope chest at the foot of his bed. Jonah popped it open to have a look inside. He saw a pink dog bowl that said PRINCESS on it and furrowed up his eyebrows. He crouched down to see what else was in there. He found a few dog toys and then a harness with a leash attached to it. He pulled it out and looked at it, smiling a little when he noticed the proportions of the harness.

 

Richard appeared in the doorway and asked, “Jonah? Are you having trouble finding the bathroom?” He saw what Jonah was looking at and said, “Oh. That stuff. That’s just from when I had a dog. Obviously, deceased now. That’s why you don’t see a dog around here.”

 

“Richard, I know what a fucking harness for a person looks like, I’m a certified pussy crusher,” Jonah told him.

 

“Oh. Well. Okay, you caught me. I had an ex-girlfriend who liked that stuff and I figured, hey, who am I to not accommodate? It turned out to be pretty fun. Hence the keeping the stuff for sentimental value.”

 

“But, you were good at it? I mean, she seemed like she enjoyed it?”

 

“Oh yeah. It was the only thing about our relationship she was fully satisfied with. She mentioned that to me several times. Several.”

 

“Yeah, because if you were able to play with her and actually make it fun that’s fucking amazing. It’s, like, impossible to find a master who knows what they’re doing.” He quickly added, “I’ve heard.”

 

“I’ll admit I was intimidated at first,” Richard said. “But, I watched some helpful tutorial videos and I joined a discussion board on a subset of a BDSM website that was very helpful. I actually made a couple lifelong friends from that. Leashlover69 just sent me a new waterpik for my birthday,” Richard told him.

 

Jonah wrinkled up his nose. “God, you’re so uncool. I have trouble imagining you being competent at this stuff. Or anything sexy.” He dropped the harness.

 

“Well, we’d play for an hour or two at a time and it was a lot of fun,” Richard said with a shrug. “Come on. Let’s get back to the game. It was fun talking about sex with you. We’re truly bros.”

  
“Shut up, Richard,” Jonah murmured as he followed him back to his living room.

 

 

Later, when they were a few beers in, Jonah said, “So, I’ve been thinking logically about this puppy play thing…”

 

“Oh, I don’t know what the psychological reason behind it is either,” Richard said. “Although my ex-girlfriend’s dad did give his dog a lot more attention than he ever gave her, so…” He shrugged a little.

 

“No, I’ve been thinking… you and I… as friends… should do it,” Jonah told him.

 

Richard tilted his head. “You’re interested in me sexually now?” He thought about it and said, “I do like you. And I think you’re very tall and handsome.”

 

“Thanks, but of course I’m not interested in your sexually. I’m the straightest man who’s ever lived,” Jonah told him.

 

“Then, I guess I just don’t really understand what you’re proposing we do,” Richard said.

 

“Okay, it’s like this. Finding someone who can treat me like a puppy is my #1 fantasy. Even above the Olsen twins. But, usually even if you can convince someone to do it for you, they’re so shitty at it. They take you around in a circle for two seconds and then admit they have no idea what they’re doing. It sucks. So, I just want you to do this for me and it won’t be sexual between us because I’m not attracted to you.”

 

“But, you really be enjoying it sexually?” Richard asked. He quickly added, “I’m not putting the idea down. I just want to make sure I understand.”

 

“Look, let’s not overthink it, let’s just do it,” Jonah said.

 

“Okay,” Richard said. “Now? Because honestly I’m a little sleepy and I’ll do it, but I might not be at 100%.”

 

“No, of course not now,” Jonah said. “You have to buy all new stuff because I’m not using some bitch’s used dog toys. Plus, I’m not using a bowl that says Princess. You need to think of a cool name for me.”

 

“Will do,” Richard said. “By the way, please don’t call my ex-girlfriend a bitch. She’s a nice person.”

 

“No, she’s not, if she dumped you that makes her a bitch,” Jonah said. “I know you’re not used to having friends, but you’ll get the hang of bro night soon, man. Don’t worry about it.”

 

 

 

“You look lovely,” Richard said, looking up at Jonah.

 

Jonah was standing in Richard’s doorway, on the big day. “Thanks,” he said. He walked in and looked at the set up. He grinned when he saw the new dog bowls Richard had picked out. “Rex? You named me Rex? That’s a cool fucking name.”

 

Richard grinned proudly. “So… should we start?” he asked. “I mean, did you want to… hang out first?”

 

“No. No. Let’s dive in,” Jonah said.

 

Richard nodded and grabbed the harness and leash he’d picked out for Jonah. “Are you going to take off your clothes? If you’re not comfortable with that, I can put it on over them.”

 

“No, I think having clothes on would kind of ruin it,” Jonah said. “But, you know not to touch me, right?” Richard nodded hard. “I mean, you should touch me, like I have to get petted and shit, otherwise what’s the point. But, no kissing. No touching my dick. This goes without saying, but I’m not gonna touch your dick.”

 

“What about your, um…”

 

Jonah raised an eyebrow. “What? I’m not a fucking mindreader.”

 

“Your, uh… the area where your tail is,” Richard said.

 

“Oh. Right,” Jonah said. “Um…”

 

“I know it’s an erogenous zone so I understand if you don’t want to be touched there. But, I thought you might enjoy being patted there and called a good boy.”

 

Jonah swallowed and said, “Yeah. I mean, you know, if I’m a good boy, then I think that’s just… you know, that’s in order. You should do that.”

 

Richard nodded and said, “Great. Well, that’s all my questions, so we can begin whenever you’re ready.”

 

Jonah slid his cloths off and tossed them on the floor. Richard folded them up and put them on the couch for him.

 

Jonah got on all fours. Richard started putting his harness on. “Gosh, you are so gorgeous,” he said. He petted Jonah’s hair and said, “My handsome little puppy.”

 

Jonah grinned at him.

 

Richard stood up and firmly pulled on Jonah’s leash. “Come on,” he said. He led Jonah over to the corner and picked up a chew toy. “Come on, grab it,” he said.

 

Jonah tried to bite the toy and Richard quickly pulled it away and held it over his head. Jonah jumped at it, already feeling incredibly turned on.

 

After making him jump at it for a while, Richard let Jonah bite onto it and then lightly pulled on it. Jonah bit down and fought for it, while beaming admiringly at Richard.

 

Richard surprised him by flipping him onto his back. Jonah let out a little delighted yelp as Richard started petting his stomach all over. Jonah writhed happily as his dick got hard.

 

“Such a good boy. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Who’s my good handsome boy?” Richard asked as he kept petting his stomach.

 

Jonah rolled over and stuck his ass up in hopes that Richard would get the hint.

 

Richard immediately picked up on it and started patting his ass. “Good boy. Such a good boy,” he said.

 

Jonah shook his ass like he was wagging his tail.

 

“That’s adorable,” Richard said happily. He petted Jonah’s hair, “You’re adorable. You’re my adorable boy.”

 

Jonah was so worked up, he couldn’t stand it. He rolled over, hoping Richard would notice his hard-on and do something about it.

 

Richard petted his stomach, “Yeah, you’re a cute little boy,” he said.

 

Jonah got impatient and grabbed Richard’s hand, putting it on his dick. Richard yanked it away. “Hey!” he said sternly. “No.” He flicked Jonah’s nose. “Bad.”

 

Jonah groaned. He felt frustrated, but he also loved the discipline. He tried to grab Richard’s hand again.

 

Richard flicked his nose again and said, “No! No. Bad boy.”

 

Jonah started growling at him.

 

Richard yanked on his leash tightly and looked down at him sternly. “Hey. Shh. Calm down. Calm down. You don’t mean that.”

 

Jonah stopped growling.

 

“That’s better. Now sit,” Richard said.

 

Jonah moved into a sitting position. He looked up at Richard admiringly and whined.

 

“What’s wrong, little cutie?” Richard asked.

 

Jonah spread his legs apart to draw attention to his hard dick.

 

Richard looked at him sympathetically, but said, “You know I can’t do anything about that.”

 

Jonah whined harder.

 

“Calm down. Can you calm down and b a good boy for me again?” Richard asked.

 

A mix of frustration at Richard’s refusal to break the rules and a desire to be punished made Jonah decide to lash out. He growled at Richard, then went over to his coffee table and pushed a glass off the coffee table with his nose.

 

“Whoa! Hey!” Richard shouted.

 

He seemed mad and for a second Jonah was worried that he’d actually stop and make him leave. Instead, Richard yanked on his leash and pulled him into the bedroom.

 

“This is for your own good so you’re safe while I clean up the glass,” he told him before he closed the door.

 

After a second, Jonah started furiously jerking off.

 

Richard walked in and frowned. “Hey. Don’t do that,” he said.

 

Jonah expected Richard to physically stop him, but he didn’t.

 

“Don’t do that,” he repeated in a calm but firm voice.

 

Jonah reluctantly pulled his hands away from his dick and looked up at Richard. He whined softly.

 

Richard crouched down by him. “Shh. You’re okay. I know it’s uncomfortable. But, you’re okay. You are.”

 

Jonah stopped whining.

 

Richard smiled and patted his head and then his ass. “Yeah, you’re okay,” he said. “Look at what a good boy you are. You’re not someone who acts out. That’s not you.”

 

Jonah nuzzled his face against Richard’s chest hard. Richard petted his hair. “Want to sleep over? Want to sleep on the foot of my bed?” he asked.

 

Jonah happily hopped onto the foot of the bed. Richard grinned at him affectionately and took his harness off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Mmm,” Jonah said happily. He was just barely aware of being awake and he could feel a hand gently petting his spine. He opened his eyes and saw Richard smiling down at him.

 

“Good morning,” Richard said. “I wanted to make you breakfast, but I wasn’t sure if you want me to put something in you doggy bowl or give you a plate and silverware like a person.” 

 

“Um... like a person,” Jonah told him. “Thanks.”

 

 

 

Jonah pulled his clothes on as Richard served breakfast. 

 

“So, I had an amazing time last night. Did you enjoy it?” Richard asked.

 

“Uh, mostly, yeah,” Jonah said, deciding there was no way he’d let Richard know how great it was. “But, there is one issue,” he said.

 

Richard frowned. “Oh no. What’s wrong?”

 

“Well, I got pretty fucking worked up,” Jonah said. “And you wouldn’t do anything about it, so I’m sure you can see how frustrating that would be.” 

 

Richard furrowed his eyebrows. “Well… that was your rule. Are you saying that you’d like our relationship to be sexual?” 

 

Jonah frowned. “What? No. That’s the last thing I would ever want on this planet because I like girls. And if I were going to be with guys, they would be hot ons. Like 7s and above.” 

 

“Okay, then I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Richard said. 

 

“I’m saying… we can’t do this shit anymore. Because it’s a sexual thing and I don’t have sexual feelings for you, so that makes no goddamn sense.” 

 

Richard nodded politely and said, “Okay. I understand. Let me know if you change your mind.” 

 

“Can you put this shit in a Tupperware so I can leave?” Jonah asked him.

  
“Absolutely, Jonah,” Richard said as he went back into the kitchen. 


	2. Chapter 2

Richard and Jonah had been working in awkward silence all morning.

 

“Hey, Jonah, could you call--”

 

“Can you just do it?” Jonah snapped at him.

 

“Sure thing,” Richard said. “I’m on it.” He walked over to Jonah’s desk and said, “Hey, man, I just want to say I really hope I didn’t ruin things when we were just starting to become good friends.”

 

Jonah looked up at him and furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you saying right now?”

 

“Oh, I was just saying that we were starting to become good friends, so I hope that’s not ruined.”

 

Jonah nodded a little and said, “Yeah, well, I mean, if you’re that into our friendship, if it’s that important to you, then we can keep hanging out.”

 

Richard smiled. “Yeah?” he asked.

 

“Sure. It doesn’t have to be that weird. I mean, we had one weird encounter. Frat boys have weird encounters every night for four years and they stay close,” Jonah said.

 

Richard grinned and said, “That’s a great point.”

 

“We could hang out tonight if you want,” Jonah said. “I mean, unless something else comes up. I don’t know how many of my other friends are gonna want to hang.”

 

“Right,” Richard said. “Well, if you’re free, I would absolutely love that. I could cook you dinner.”

 

 

 

 

“Oh. Those are still out,” Jonah said, pointing at the food bowls on the floor.

 

“I guess I forgot to put them away,” Richard said as he set a lasagna on the table. “I have to admit I was a little disappointed we didn’t get to use them. You would’ve looked adorable with your little face in…” Richard trailed off. “I’m sorry. I’m being weird.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jonah said. He hesitated and then said, “Let’s use them now.”

 

“Are you sure?” Richard asked.

 

“Yeah, I mean, we don’t have to make it weird this time. I don’t have to get naked or anything, just… you’re already serving me dinner, just slide it into my food bowl. You did buy it just for me. We should use it.”

 

Richard grinned and said, “Okay.” He slid a piece of lasagna into the food bowl.

 

Jonah got on all fours and started to crawl to the bowl. Richard grabbed the collar of his shirt.

 

“No, no,” he said. He crouched by Jonah. “Sorry. That didn’t hurt you, did it? It was just hot. I didn’t want you to put your mouth on that.”

 

Jonah smiled a little and nuzzld against Richard’s knee. Richard petted his head.

 

After a minute, Richard let go of his collar and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”

 

Jonah put his face in the bowl and happily ate the food up.

 

When Jonah lifted his head, Richard laughed and said, “Aaw, you look adorable. But, I should probably clean you up.”

 

Jonah smiled and nodded.

 

“I wish I could give you a full bath,” Richard said. He immediately added, “Definitely shouldn’t have said that out loud!”

 

Jonah nodded.

 

“You’re agreeing that I shouldn’t have said that out loud?” Richard asked.

 

Jonah shook his head, then nodded hard.

 

“It’s too bad your fetish isn’t roleplaying as someone who can talk,” Richard said.

 

Jonah led him out of the room. Richard followed. Jonah led him into the bathroom and put both his hands on the edge of the tub.

 

Richard slowly smiled. “I can give you a bath?” he asked.

 

Jonah nodded hard.

 

Richard grinned. “Awesome,” he said. He started running the bath. While he waited for it to fill up, he smiled at Jonah admiringly, “You’re so great. I mean, you’re really, really great. And cute. You’ll be even cuter when you don’t have lasagna all over your face. Well, actually, I don’t know why I said that so confidently. I really like you this way.”

 

Jonah beamed at him and Richard patted his head.

 

“Can I undress you or do you want to undress yourself?” Richard asked him. When Jonah nodded, Richard said, “I’m sorry. That was my mistake for not sticking to yes or no questions. Can I undress you?”

 

Jonah smiled at him and nodded.

 

“Thank you for trusting me with the undressing of your body,” Richard told him. He pulled Jonah’s sweater and shirt off, then asked, “Can you roll onto your back so it’s easier for me to take your pants off?”

 

Jonah rolled over.

 

“Good boy,” Richard said. When he was done undressing Jonah, he said, “Okay, all done.” He lightly rubbed Jonah’s stomach.

 

Jonah crawled into the bath. Richard dipped his hand in the water and used it to wipe Jonah’s face clean. He rinsed his hand off and then started washing Jonah’s body.

 

“How do you feel about me washing below the belt?” he asked.

 

Jonah wrinkled up his face in distaste.

 

“Got it. Just asking,” Richard told him. “Then I think you are done.”

 

Jonah stepped out of the bath. Richard grabbed a towel and dried him off.

 

“I can put your clothes back on,” Richard said. “Or you can put the back on yourself. Do you want to do either of those things?”

 

Jonah shook his head, smiling at him.

 

Richard grinned and said, “Well, that works out for me because you have the best little naked body I’ve ever seen.”

 

Jonah nodded in agreement and crawled to the living room. Richard walked behind him.

 

“You want to watch a movie together?” he asked. “We could watch _Sleepless in Seattle_ , the all-time most romantic movie.” He frowned and said, “Or we could watch something completely platonic like Just Friends. I haven’t seen it but I assume they’re just friends.”

 

Jonah went over to Richard’s shelf and used his nose to slide _Sleepless in Seattle_ off the shelf. Richard grinned as he picked the DVD up.

 

“That was very smart. You’re handsome and you’re smart. It’s amazing.” He slid the DVD into the player, then sat down on the couch. He expected Jonah to sit next to him, but instead he curled up by Richard’s feet.

 

Richard grinned and reached down to pet Jonah’s hair while he watched the movie.

 

While the movie credits rolled, Jonah nuzzled his face against Richard’s leg. “It’s kind of cheesy when Tom Hanks looks at Meg Ryan like he’s fallen in love with her on the spot, right? I mean, is it ever really like that?” he asked.

 

“Well,” Richard said.

 

He didn’t follow that up for a long time. Jonah turned to look back at him. “Yeah?”

 

“Remember when I first met you? After just a minute, I said you were the coolest guy I’ve ever met.”

 

Jonah didn’t know what to say. Finally, he asked, “Hey, out of curiosity, if we were to do sex stuff… what would you want to do?”

 

“Whatever you wanted to do,” Richard said immediately.

 

“Well, yeah, I know,” he said. “Because I’m a boss in the bedroom in the boardroom. But, I meant in a theoretical situation where I had said, hey, let’s do whatever you want. Which would never happen.”

 

“Okay, well, in that impossible scenario...” he said. “I’d really love to rim you. I think that would be the thing I would be most excited about.”

 

“Seriously? I didn’t think anyone actually liked it. I thought they just pretend to like it so you’ll think they’re cool and keep inviting them to your beach house in the Hamptons.”

 

“Oh, I love it a lot,” Richard told him. “And from the glimpses I’ve caught, you have a really nice b-hole.”

 

“What makes an asshole nice in your view?” Jonah asked. 

 

“Oh boy. I never thought about it,” Richard said. “I guess… I can’t really think of any aesthetic qualities I care about. I guess, now that you mention it, I usually just like someone’s b-hole the more I like them.”

 

After a second, Jonah shyly asked, “Do you want a better look at it?”

 

“Oh, I would love that, but I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Richard said. “If I were to look at it straight-on, I would probably immediately fall in love with you.”

 

“Well… don’t you think you probably already have?” Jonah asked.

 

Richard thought about it. “Oh. Wow. Now that you bring it up, yeah, I guess I am in love with you. That was very astute of you.” He petted Jonah as he said, “All the same, I don’t think I should look at your b-hole because--”

 

“Can you please start saying asshole, like a goddamn adult?” Jonah asked him.

 

“I guess I could do that,” Richard said. “Anyway, I don’t think I should look at it because I would get extremely worked up.”

 

“But, wouldn’t that sort of be fair revenge for last time?” Jonah asked. “When I got horny as fucking shit and you wouldn’t let me do anything about it? You remember that?”

 

Richard frowned. “I was just doing what I thought you wanted.”

 

“I know you were,” Jonah said. “You were and I… I fucking loved it.”

 

Richard smiled. “Yeah?” he asked.

 

“Yeah. It was amazing. But, also, you got me worked up and I didn’t get to come, so fuck you, now you have to look at my asshole without touching it.”

 

“Fair enough,” Richard said.

 

Jonah climbed up onto Richard’s lap, with his back facing him. “Go ahead,” he said.

 

After a second, Richard said, “Oh. Yeah. That is amazing. That’s really, really nice.”

 

“Are you completely hard?” Jonah asked.

 

“Yup. I am fully erect,” Richard said.

 

“Great. I’ve done my job. Turnabout is fair play,” Jonah told him.

 

“You know… I do know how to tease you too,” Richard reminded him.

 

Jonah looked back over his shoulder. “Doubt it. Try your best,” he said.

 

Richard started petting his back. “Who’s my good boy? Who’s my good, handsome boy?”

 

Jonah smiled, but wasn’t that impressed now that he’d gotten used to this. Richard saw that Jonah wasn’t getting that worked up and decided to change tactics.

 

“Although you did deliberately tease me for revenge,” he said. “That’s not a very good thing to do.” He flicked Jonah’s nose and said, “Get down.”

 

Jonah whined.

 

“Get down right now. Now!”

 

Jonah got on the floor and looked up at Richard eagerly.

 

“Sit up,” Richard ordered. Jonah sat up.

 

Richard petted Jonah’s hair and then started rubbing underneath his chin.

 

“You’re being very well-behaved,” Richard told him. “Can you wag your little tail for me?”

 

Jonah got up on all fours so he could shake his ass back and forth.

 

“Good boy,” Richard said, leaning down so he could pat it.

 

Jonah groaned.

 

Richard grinned. “I did it! Didn’t I? I did. I told you that I know how to arouse you just as much as you know how to arouse me.” After a second, he frowned, “It’s a little bit of an unsatisfying victory. I mean, now we’re both just sitting here aroused.”

 

Jonah frowned. “What are you saying? We need to have sex?”

 

“I was not remotely saying that,” Richard told him. “I never want you to feel like you have to have sex with me, Jonah. I can’t stress that enough. I’m sorry I made that comment about how we’re both aroused. I would sit here with you aroused all night and love every second of it.”

 

Jonah smiled and said, “You can put in another stupid chick movie if you want. I don’t mind watching them with you.”

 

“That sounds great,” Richard said. He got up and put in _You’ve Got Mail_ before returning to the couch.

 

Jonah curled up by Richard’s leg as he watched the movie.


	3. Chapter 3

Jonah woke up to the sound of Ginuwine. He sat up and looked at Richard. “Your alarm song is ‘Pony’?” 

 

“On work days, yeah, it’s my pump up mix,” Richard said, nodding.

 

Jonah grinned and said, “I love that.” 

 

Richard grinned up at Jonah as he washed his body in the shower. “This is so nice,” he said. “Your body is amazing. I feel like I’m washing a skyscraper.” 

 

Jonah grinned and said, “Yeah, I’m really good at being tall.” 

 

“So, do you want me to make you a full breakfast?” Richard asked. “Or should I make something quick so you have time to go back to your place and get a change of clothes before work?” 

 

“I can wear the same clothes I wore yesterday,” Jonah told him. “People will just assume I crushed a pussy like usual.” 

 

 

Jonah crammed eggs into his face and watched Richard, enjoying how much admiration was in his eyes. “Hey, do I weird you out?” he asked. 

 

Richard furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Of course not. Why would you even ask that?” 

 

“I mean, not me,” Jonah said. “But, our relationship. It’s kind of weird, right?” 

 

“Oh, you mean because of all the sexual overtones followed by no actual sex?” Richard asked.

 

Jonah nodded. 

 

“No. That doesn’t weird me out. I mean, most people who’ve wanted to crawl around me naked all the time have also wanted to have sex with me, but correlation doesn’t prove causation. That’s a basic principle of information.” 

 

Jonah nodded. “Yeah. Exactly.” 

 

“It’s completely understandable if you’re afraid of sex,” Richard said.

 

“Afraid?” Jonah asked, frowning. “I wouldn’t say afraid. That makes me sound like a fucking pussy.”

 

“I’m sorry. What word would you prefer?” Richard asked. 

 

“Heterosexual,” Jonah said. “And if I could use two words it would be aggressively heterosexual.” 

 

Richard nodded politely. “Okay,” he said. 

 

“I just want you to understand that I might never have sex with you. And I’m including hand stuff and mouth stuff in that,” he said. “And if that’s going to make you end up mad at me, then I think we shouldn’t do any of this stuff even though it’s really fun and I really enjoy it.” 

 

“Well, I could never get mad at you,” Richard said. “Especially over something like not being ready to--” Jonah cleared his throat hard. “--sorry, being too straight to have sex. That could never make me mad at you. I mean, if anything is upsetting me--” He stopped talking. “I’m sorry. Upsetting is a negative word that I should not have used.”

 

“But, you did use it. So, what the fuck? What am I doing that’s so goddamn upsetting to you?” Jonah asked.

 

“Nothing. Nothing at all. You’re perfect,” Richard told him sincerely. Jonah smiled, relaxing a little. 

 

“Okay,” he said. “But, what were you going to say, Richard?” 

 

“Just that if anything is upsetting me-- which nothing is-- it would be the fact that we’ve never kissed.” 

 

“Oh,” Jonah said. “Well, I guess we could do that.” 

 

“I wasn’t trying to pressure you. It just slipped out,” Richard said.

 

“I know,” Jonah said. “But, I want to try it. No homo.” 

 

Jonah smiled and stood up to walk over to Richard. Richard grinned up at him. “Can you come down here?” he asked him.

 

“Sure thing,” Jonah said, smiling affectionately at him as he crouched down a little. He gently kissed Richard.

 

“Wow,” Richard said softly when Jonah pulled away.

 

“Yeah,” Jonah said. He bit his lip and said, “Yeah.” He leaned in to kiss Richard again, harder this time. 

 

After a long silence, Richard said, “Well, that was the best moment of my life.”

 

“Yeah. Me too. But, let’s not talk about that, okay?” Jonah said as he started looking around for his messenger bag. “Let’s just drive to work and blast some music really, really loud so we can’t talk about anything?” 

 

He kept looking around until Richard grabbed his bag and held it out to him. “Here you go,” he said.

 

“Thanks. Thank you, Richard,” Jonah said. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”


	4. Chapter 4

“It’s kind of funny being in this situation and also having to work together in a tiny office nine hours a day,” Richard said as he and Jonah walked to his car.

 

“Funny how?” Jonah asked.

 

“Well, if we were really together, I think it would be kind of fun and silly, like that show Hart to Hart about the married couple that solves mysteries,” Richard told him. “But, instead it’s just awkward like the British version of The Office. Did you watch that show? They really did not pull punches.” 

 

Jonah got in the car and glared at Richard. “What do you mean it’s not fun and it’s awkward?” 

 

“Oh, just all the awkward silences and the fact that you were so tense that every time I asked you to do something, you’d jump and hit your head.” 

 

“I hit my head a lot before, it’s not all because of what’s going on with us,” Jonah murmured. 

 

“I just wish things weren’t weird. That’s all,” Richard said.

 

“Well, maybe they’ll get less weird as we get used to each other,” Jonah said. “Do you maybe want to drive me to my apartment so I can grab a change of clothes for tomorrow and my toothbrush and then we could go to your place?” 

 

Richard grinned and said, “That sounds great.” 

 

 

“It’s a fun challenge making meals that you can eat,” Richard told Jonah as he started doing the dishes after dinner. Jonah sat back and nodded as he watched him. “It’s mostly just riffs on bread and pasta, but there’s lots of room to be creative there.”

 

“And it’s the most important food group,” Jonah said. “Bottom of the pyramid.” 

 

Richard nodded. “What do you want to do after I finish with the dishes?” he asked. “I know what I’m hoping we could do.” 

 

Jonah raised an eyebrow. “What are you hoping we could do?” 

 

“I was hoping we could get on my bed and make out,” Richard said.

 

“What, like, we’re in high school?” Jonah asked. 

 

“I just can’t stop thinking about when we kissed and I thought it would be nice to kiss a lot for a very long time.” 

 

Jonah thought about it and said, “Yeah. That would rule.” 

 

 

“Mmm,” Jonah said happily as he kissed Richard deeply. He’d been skeptical about how satisfying kissing fully clothed would be, but he was into it. 

 

Richard politely moved his hips away from Jonah when he realized that he was hard.

 

“It’s okay,” Jonah said, pulling Richard close. He grinned at him and rubbed against him. “It feels good,” he said. “It’s really warm.” 

 

Richard smiled and said, “Thank you, sir.” 

 

Jonah hesitated for a second and then asked, “Can I see it?” 

 

“Yeah. Of course,” Richard said. He slid his pants and boxers down. “It’s two inches longer than average, last time I checked. Which was when I was twenty-six, so it probably hasn’t changed.” 

 

Jonah nodded along to Richard’s words as he stared at his dick. After a second, he said, “I guess if you really wanted I could put it in my mouth.” 

 

“Oh, you don’t have to…” Richard saw the disappointment in Jonah’s eyes and said, “Yes. I really need you to do that for me.” 

 

“Well, okay,” Jonah said. He started lovingly sucking on the tip. “Mmm,” he said. He took a little more in his mouth as he kept sucking on it. “Mmmm.” 

 

Richard smiled and petted his hair. “I’m glad you like that, baby.”

 

Jonah reluctantly pulled away so he could glare at Richard. “Why the fuck would you say that? I don’t like it.” 

 

“Oh. Okay. I’m sorry,” Richard said.

 

“I don’t like sucking dick, Richard. I hate it. That was awful.” 

 

“Okay,” Richard repeated as he pulled his underwear and pants back on. “Sorry about that.” 

 

Jonah was staring at the ceiling. 

 

“What do you want me to do, baby?” Richard asked him. “I’ll do whatever you want. You want me to leave my apartment and get a hotel for the night so you can be alone? I’ll do that.”

 

Jonah shook his head and said, “Stay with me. Please.”

 

“Okay,” Richard said, glad that Jonah wanted him around. After a second, Jonah pressed his face against Richard’s chest and nuzzled against him. Richard petted him lovingly. 

 

“You know… if a girl started sucking my dick and then freaked out and stopped I’d get really pissed at her and leave immediately,” Jonah said. 

 

Richard kept petting him as he said, “Well, I’ve always been attracted to high-maintenance people. It’s a challenge and makes me feel useful.”


End file.
